After thirteen years of homeschooling, two years of high school, and two years of community college, this graduate has been recruited to the D1 sailing program at the University of Hawai‘i. He is moving 2,678 miles to sail as a Rainbow Warrior in the warm waters of his father’s homeland, connecting with his cultural heritage, studying communications, and traveling the country with his team.

This summer I will be flying to an island with my beloved son and flying home a week later without him.

He is, of course, his own sovereign being (a kind, thoughtful, empathetic, confident, and driven young man whom I deeply admire). And yet, he does contain within his body my living cells. I will be leaving a piece of my heart behind, the connection stretching uncomfortably to accommodate new growth. This will be a wonderful adventure for my son, one that I wholeheartedly support. And I will miss my baby—this rad human whose company I so genuinely enjoy.

The way I have chosen to parent has honored the natural and gradual blossoming of differentiation and independence. This step is simply that beautiful evolution continuing to unfold. I will accept the invitation to grow myself into the space that is expanding—grieve and grow.

The sun is setting on our time together in this tender season of mother and child. As the last light is stretching across the horizon, I’m tending what I can in support of his flight.

Here are 20 things I’m preparing to support my freshly adult child in launching successfully—a final gesture of nurturing care as he outgrows the shelter of my wings.

1. Vital Documents

Each child receives a folder containing their vital documents:

• Birth Certificate
• Social Security Card
• Passport
• Car Title (more on this later)

These two go into their wallets as soon as they begin driving at sixteen, but let’s verify that they are present and current.

• Driver’s License
• Health Insurance Card

2. Power of Attorney

I have supported both of my parents through their end-of-life care and one of the things I learned from that is the importance of having medical power of attorney, so that I could make medical decisions for my parents that were in alignment with what they needed and wanted, which sometimes differs from what the hospital or medical provider (who doesn’t know them) would choose for them.

If your loved one (adult child, in this case) becomes incapacitated, unconscious, or unable to make medical decisions for themselves, a medical power of attorney form allows you to make medical decisions for them. So long as they are able to think and communicate coherently, they still have the decision-making power over their bodies and health care. But if they are in a coma, for example, you get access to all of their medical information and you get to make health care decisions on their behalf.

Without this medical power of attorney, the hospital system makes those decisions and they are not always in alignment with what you know your child would want for themselves. For example, if you have a pregnant adult child in a Catholic hospital, they will not center a woman’s life or health over a fetus. It’s something you hope you’ll never need to use, but can be life-saving to have.

It is also prudent to have legal and financial power of attorney in place. While you’re not going to care about things like your kid’s car if they are unconscious, trying to navigate administrative challenges in the trenches of fear or grief can be torturous and this can make these necessary practical tasks 90% easier. You might not care about your kid’s car, but if it was crashed on the road and is accruing fees in an impound lot and the police are demanding it be removed, being able to show up with this piece of paper allows it to be resolved quickly and easily so you can get back to what really matters.

I used this form here for free. Get it notarized, scan it, file it away, have peace of mind, and hopefully you never need to touch it again. Of note, I have the same forms in place for my adult children on behalf of my own care.

3. Phone

We provide cell service for our children as soon as they are ready to start staying home alone. We continue this into adulthood as having many lines on one family plan makes so much more economic sense than separate individual plans (same with car insurance—there is a significant bulk discount).

So, while this isn’t something I’m initiating any sort of action around when my children launch, I’m including it here because a cell phone is something your child would need to function as an adult in our society, so just be sure it’s set up in whatever way works for your family.

4. Emergency Contact

Invite them to set up the emergency contact and health ID on their iPhone.

Unfortunately, I have lived through my adolescent being injured as a passenger in a serious car accident. If your young adult is unconscious, emergency responders can notify you right away if the emergency contact is set on their phone. They can also make more informed potentially life saving medical decisions if the medical ID information is present.

• iPhone > Health app > tap profile picture > select Medical ID
• You can toggle on Show When Locked and Share During Emergency Call, if that feels right for you
• Edit Current Medications
• Edit Emergency Contact
• Edit Conditions
• Edit Height, Weight, and Blood Type (if known)

5. Car: Title

We provide a used car for each of our children when they turn 16 and then we sign it over to them (go to the DOL and put it in their name) when they turn 18. Even if your child purchases their own vehicle, in our state of Washington, a minor cannot be the titled owner of a car, so it’s in the parent’s name until they reach adulthood. The title itself is added to their vital documents folder.

6. Car: Insurance

We pay for car insurance for our children for as long as they are full-time students. They are logged into our car insurance app on their phones and always have a current copy of their proof of insurance in their glove box. If your adult child is expected to get their own car insurance policy upon reaching adulthood, you can help them get that up and running.

Since insurance policies are state-based and our young man is moving out of state for college, we have had to remove him from our family policy and establish a whole new policy for him in his new state.

7. Travel: Passport

If your child doesn’t yet have a passport but has aspirations for travel, gifting them with one can be a key to unlocking their access to the broader world.

It can also enhance their safety in terms of verifying their identity and being able to move in and out of the country freely.

8. Travel: TSA PreCheck

We travel a lot, and while our children already have a valid passport, only adults need TSA PreCheck (minors get through security under their parents’). So once a child turns 18, they need their own TSA PreCheck. Of course, this isn’t essential, but if your kid or family flies, it’s definitely worth the $60 for five years.

9. Travel: Luggage

Launching your child with luggage is a sweet and practical gift. Each member of my family has an Away Carry-On Flex and Medium Flex in their matching color.

While this post is speaking to a more general experience of launching grown children, I do want to invite consideration for your specific child’s needs here. Since my son is participating in college sailing, I’m also ensuring he is fully geared up for his traveling sport (Sailing Gear Guide can be found here).

10. Financial: Bank Account

I help each of my children open an Ally checking and savings account as soon as they turn 18 (don’t forget to set a parent as the beneficiary). I facilitate the transfer of any funds remaining from their Greenlight account, through me, into their Ally account. I help them set up Apple Pay (so they can pay for something on their phone if they forget their wallet) and Venmo (to send and receive money among peers) connected to their new bank account.

11. Financial: Budget Spreadsheet

I also equip them with a budget spreadsheet that I tailor to their specific life circumstances. This spreadsheet does all the mathing for them and allows them to play with numbers to see what they can afford and how decisions will impact their financial health.

I’ll share it with you here. You’ll need to click File > Make a copy for an editable version. I have left some sample data in so you can get a feel for how we use it. You can delete or add rows based on your kid’s life and needs. And if you like it so much that you want one for yourself, I’ve got you covered here.

12. Financial: Credit

Credit Score: I strongly discourage my young adult children from going anywhere near credit cards, but we do add all of our children as authorized users to our one credit card (you can do this while they are still minors), building up their credit score as we use credit responsibly without any risk to them.

Credit Monitoring: I also walk my launching children through creating a free Credit Karma account, through which they can monitor their credit as a protective measure against errors or fraud.

Credit Freeze: Lastly, I help them create accounts with all three credit bureaus and freeze their credit as a protective measure (we also keep our credit frozen).

13. Financial: Investment Account

As a college graduation gift, we give each child the minimum required funds and support to start their own index-fund-invested Vanguard brokerage account (target date retirement funds are my favorite—you can learn all about my approach to finances in the Sage Money course).

The secret to building wealth is living below your means and investing early and often—time in the market is powerful. After creating the account and walking them through making that initial investment, I help them get their new bank account connected for easy future contributions.

14. Health Care: Insurance

Adult children can remain on their parent’s health insurance plan until the age of 26 (thanks, Obama). So our launching adolescents can maintain their health insurance coverage seamlessly as they cross the threshold into adulthood. If your adult child needs or wants their own separate health insurance plan, be sure to support them in getting that underway.

15. Health Care: Providers

Most children have been seen by a pediatrician and will need to establish care with a general primary care physician for adults. Help them get connected with a PCP, any specialists they need, and the closest urgent care center and emergency room/hospital. I also recommend identifying a therapist that could be a good fit for supporting the mental health of your young adult in this big transition. I reached out to our health insurance company and was given a list of in-network PCPs, urgent care centers, and hospitals in his new city along with a proof of coverage letter.

Once you’ve established care with providers, set up MyChart or whatever online portal their provider offers for easily managing care online. As soon as your child turns 18, they will need their own independent account to do things like schedule virtual visits or request prescription refills.

16. Health Care: Prescriptions

If your child takes any medications, be sure to set them up to be able to consistently access them.

For us, that means gifting each launching child with an Amazon Prime account. I know, I know, Bezos is evil. But auto refill on medications delivered same day to your door through Amazon Pharmacy is health care support that my newly adult children with life threatening medical conditions and still developing prefrontal cortexes and executive functioning skills need to survive. I’ve experimented with many different pharmacies over the years and Amazon Pharmacy is by far the easiest and best. This service is accessed through having an Amazon Prime account and they kick our kids off our household account as soon as they turn 18. I have to balance values with needs, and in this instance, the need is too great to bypass.

17. Health Care: Med Kit

Every household needs a Med Kit, which is a combination of first aid and over-the-counter (OTC) medical supplies. It’s basically what we keep on hand for when we’re hurt or sick. I am thoughtfully preparing one of these for my specific child’s needs, but I’ll include some example items here for inspiration.

18: Health Care: Travel Med Kit

When each of my children began driving, I gifted them a sweet Car Kit containing all of the little things they might need on the go in the hope that they would feel my loving care even as they moved through the world beyond me. I have always kept this bag in the center console of my car that we frequently turn to on our adventures. It’s essentially a to-go version of the full-sized Med Kit we keep stocked at home, with a few special additions.

I’m currently obsessed with these containers for meds on the go and these are the small cosmetic bags that keep everything organized and contained. I grab this bag from the car to bring with us on all our travels and I know I have everything we might need. I’m ensuring my young adult’s Travel Med Kit is fully stocked and ready to travel.

19. Tool Kit

Every household needs a Med Kit and every household needs a Tool Kit, containing the basic tools that allow maintenance and repair of things in their lives.

20. Costco

Costco is so good for inexpensive gas, food court meals, and bulk groceries. One of my launching offspring is attending college on an expensive island with a Costco, so I’m counting this as highly advantageous.

Unfortunately, Costco only allows for two people on each membership account, so my two adult children will now share their own separate membership that we will gift to them. If you’re not a Costco family, you can obviously skip this one. But they are a values-aligned company that I am so happy to support with my patronage.

Home

As my adult children set sail on their big adventures in the wide world, they will forever have a safe harbor to return to—they can always come home, where they are unconditionally loved and safe to shelter within the warmth of belonging.

On a practical level, this does take some thoughtful consideration, planning, and adjustment. While I don’t commit to forever maintaining a house with the same square footage we have required as a homeschooling and work-from-home family of five (I am a minimalist, after all), I do promise that my children will always have a place with me, wherever I am. This allows for the flexibility I need to evolve myself and my life in harmony with supporting theirs—stability and freedom, roots and wings (for us both).

Everything in this launch list is designed to support my children through the transition into adulting, building the structure to support successful independence in today’s world. Uplifting adolescents with financial abundance can be a highly advantageous gift, but setting them up with systems and understanding is far more advantageous long-term. It feels like such a natural expression of my maternal love and care to send him off on this new leg of his journey in this thoughtful way.